Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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