ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
