my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
