do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
