i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
NoShamevember. You game?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
