Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
