I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
