Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize