The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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