is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
