Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
