Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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