and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
