The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So much rum. So many feels.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
