i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
