ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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