Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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