he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I smell like Dick and happiness
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