im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
