If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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