Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
