haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
