her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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