it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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