so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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