I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
