Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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