Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Randomize
