toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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