we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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