I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you traded sex for a burrito?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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