Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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