I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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