I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
