I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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