Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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