Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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