well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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