i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
someone owes me an orgasm
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
