I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
