My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So many bounce houses so little time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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