I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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