I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i now understand why vodka
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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