you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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