Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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