I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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