i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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