I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
