I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
