he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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