My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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