I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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