I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am puke
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
