Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
