he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I forget how to act sober
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
