When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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