You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
