I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
me + whiskey = a bad person
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
