My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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