dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
