I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
