He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
