Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
