i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
