im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
